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SOME MORE WEIRD FOOD I'M MAKING MYSELF EAT.

by:Pox

2013/08/04

So in the course of doing the THE FOOD LIST CHALLENGE this year, I'm having to eat a bunch of pretty weird things. I've already talked about some of them:

Now I'm going to talk about some more! Whoever made that food list is some kind of idiot btw.

1. BLACK PUDDING

What do you do when you're poor and have a bunch of animals that are full of delicious blood? Why, blood pudding of course! In every culture, if something provides more calories when eaten than it cost to get said thing, you can bet people are either calling it "food" (if it tastes good enough) or a "delicacy" (if it sounds disgusting and you need to trick people into eating it). This is a delicacy I believe.

Fortunately there's lots of blood to go around so it's cheap unlike condor testicles and dodo eggs! =========================

No one will know what this is if you show it to them.

Nomnom.

TASTE: Cinnamon, nutmeg, sausage, char.
SMELL: It's like a christmas sausage.
TEXTURE: It has a nice spongy cake-like texture.
VALUE: It's pretty tasty and cheap therefore you should buy this at least once. There's plenty of different recipes and kinds I'm sure you can find one that won't make you puke.

2. CAVIAR

Ah caviar, the legendary oppulent food of the rich! Certainly we have learned that rich people are very smart and would never overpay for something that comes out of a fish's vagina. They make many different kinds of caviar from all sorts of fish but I doubt they taste much different. The main variance is in texture as the bigger eggs are the most disgusting. If salmon were more rare than sturgeons I guarantee you bigger grain caviar would be considered to taste MUCH BETTER. Odd right?

=========================

Well there it is. Little black lumps of salty embryos.

TASTE: Salty raw fish / spunk.
SMELL: Like the beach when you don't feel like smelling the beach.
TEXTURE: Slime.
VALUE: You can find cheap ones in stores but even then you should probably not eat this. I mean. Come on. Ever heard of peanut butter?

3. CRICKETS

So the word on the street is that we should all eat bugs for protein because with one acre of land you can produce a lot more pounds of crickets than pounds of cow. This could greatly help with world hunger. I say: Let's just kill a bunch of people and keep our baby back ribs.

=========================

Ok maybe not the best picture. These are dehydrated crickets. NO PRESERVATIVES!! Yay??

You see? I put it in my mouth.

TASTE: Beef Jerky dust that is way passed its due date
SMELL: Like an old dusty bag of jerky
TEXTURE: Really dry and crumbly. Little bits of carapace and feet stick in between your teeth.
VALUE: If you live in Canada, these cost way more than beef and they taste like buttholes. Don't buy this...

4. DANDELION WINE

Now here is a true case of WHY WOULD YOU EAT THAT?. It's alcohol so it would get you drunk but it requires fruit to get going and if you have access to fruit or an area with enough flowers growing in it to make wine, you could use literally anything else.

Look at how complicated this stuff is to make: DEAR LORD.

I was lucky enough to have a friend of mine make a batch and bring it to a funny tasting event because you can't really buy this anywhere either. You actually have to make it yourself in most cases. What the hell.

=========================

That's what my friend stored it in. How fancy!

Look at that attractive color! Haha. A bunch of my friends had it as well. These comments are from all of us.

TASTE: Aggressively fruity, acidic and kind of rotten?
SMELL: Garbage bag juice
TEXTURE: Liquid...
VALUE: If you can figure out how to make this and you like the taste...go nuts? I can't imagine it's worth your time unless it's the apocalypse.

5. Durian

That's the famed Asian fruit prized for its high nutritional content and horrible diaper smell. Some hotels ban patrons from bringing these in their rooms because it takes a special kit to clean out the smell. Seriously oranges don't cost that much people, you don't have to keep eating all these horrible things that grow on trees around your house.

=========================

So instead of buying the whole thing I found some frozen at a local Asian market! Btw that place smells like rotting fish eyes. I'm starting to think Asians should be allowed to sell "fresh" fish products indoors anymore.

Oh boy doesn't that look delicious?

TASTE: Surprinsingly it tasted like mangoes and pineapples.
SMELL: Fresh fruit. I'm guessing it's the shell that smells like a tower of used granny panties.
TEXTURE: It's like cream cheese!
VALUE: There's so many better fruits out there that won't set you back anywhere near as much. But if you can find just the frozen meat you might as well try it. Don't buy the whole thing though because your apartment will never smell the same.

Well there you go, five more odd things that I would never have eaten were it not for this challenge! Once again though this proves my universal theory of "If you never heard about it, there's probably a good reason".

SEE YOU NEXT TIME.

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